My very first clinical experience as a 3rd year medical student was my internal medicine rotation. It was there that I met a patient who had been admitted to hospital due to hypercalcemia, a complication of his newly diagnosed lymphoma. The cancer had caused a disbalance in the electrolytes in his blood, specifically by increasing the calcium to beyond normal levels. As a result, he was suffering from weakness, confusion, and extreme nausea. It was a presentation that I ended up seeing several times on that rotation, and throughout the rest of the year. However, this one particular patient stood out to me. Not because of his symptoms, or even his diagnosis, but because of his wife.
I remember very clearly the long hours she spent at the hospital, doing her best to care for and comfort him as we waited for his electrolytes to normalize. She brought him his favorite foods, in hopes that he wouldn’t be too nauseas to enjoy them. She kept him company for every single monotonous day and lonely night. She asked all the questions he was too weak or too tired to voice, and she advocated for his needs when no one else was able to. It was both a beautiful display of love for one’s partner, and a heartbreaking reminder that cancer does far more than impact just the patient. It led me to think deeper into the way that serious disease can impact one’s relationships, and how the loved ones of patients can be best supported on their cancer journey.
A caregiver can take many forms. Sometimes, it is a close family member, or someone who lives with the patient. Other times it is a friend taking up responsibility in difficult times. Caregiving can come in the forms of physical support, such as managing medications, driving to appointments, and helping with activities of daily living. Or, caregiving can be emotional, offering support, a listening ear, or shared experiences to someone with cancer. Caregiving can range from a phone call to a full-time commitment. Often, being the caregiver for someone with cancer means taking on new responsibilities and navigating a completely unknown situation. This can lead to mental and emotional stress, and in some cases, burnout. In this case, it is important to remember that you cannot care for someone else if you aren’t caring for yourself. While a patient’s caregiver is rarely the center of attention or support after a cancer diagnosis, they still deserve resources and support that can assist them on their journey.
The Canadian Cancer Society suggests having open discussions and setting boundaries when choosing to be someone’s caregiver. This includes determining who will share the responsibility, finding home care services that can supplement care, and deciding limits for how involved you want to be. Sharing your role with the patient can also be helpful, so that everyone is on the same page regarding what is expected from each person. Being able to say “No” is also important, to preserve one’s mental health and prevent burnout.
There are also sources of support for caregivers specifically. These include support groups made up of people in similar situations, home care services that can help remove some of the burden from a caregiver, and information packages such as from the Canadian Cancer Society or the National Cancer Institute that provide information catered to caregivers specifically. You can check these out here and here.
Finally, a less spoken-about transition is how an individual must adjust when their caregiving role is no longer required, such as when an individual is in remission from cancer, or if they pass away. It can often feel difficult for someone to return to “regular life” after focusing on another person for what is sometimes extended periods of time. In this case, it can be especially important to talk to one’s support network, and to people who have been through similar situations. Finding new hobbies or activities to participate in can also help fill what may feel like too much free time. And for people who wish to, being an advocate or support person for other caregivers can be both rewarding and healing.
Caregivers and loved ones are an essential part of a patient’s cancer journey, and often provide support and care that cannot be found anywhere else. However, they can sometimes feel as though they are a background character in a very difficult story, where their own needs and concerns are not always addressed. Nothing will likely make caring for someone with cancer easy, but there are strategies and resources available to provide support.
References:
1. https://cancer.ca/en/living-with-cancer/helping-someone-with-cancer/caregiving
2. https://www.cancer.org/cancer/caregivers/caregiver-resource-guide.html
3. https://www.cancer.gov/resources-for/caregivers
4. https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/caregiver-support
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